


Hey-Ho, Camping We Will Go!

by StuFox



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:40:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24096733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StuFox/pseuds/StuFox
Summary: Judy invites Nick to go camping with her. It sounds like a fun weekend, but Nick hates the outdoors and Judy drinks too much coffee. I'm sure they'll have fun, regardless!
Relationships: Judy Hopps & Nick Wilde
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49





	1. "Let's go...camping?"

**ZPD Break Room, Thursday, 4:50pm**

"Let's go camping?" Nick asked Judy incredulously, repeating the offer back to her.

"Yeah, camping," Judy replied enthusiastically. "You know, that thing where you go out in the woods and have fun?" 

"There's exactly two things in the woods: snakes and bugs and I'm not fond of either."

"C'mon, Nick, it'll be fun! When's the last time you went outside for more than just a walk to your car?"

"If God had wanted me to be outside," Nick huffed, "He wouldn't have created roofs. I'm not going, and that's final."

"Officer Wilde," Chief Bogo said as he walked into the break room, "I need someone to work parking duty over the three-day weekend."

"Oh, darn, it just so happens I'm going camping with Officer Hopps this weekend," Nick said with a little wave of his fingers. "In fact, I was on my way home to, uhhhhhh . . . inventory my equipment. So sorry! Toodles!"

He beat a hasty retreat out of the break room before Bogo could raise an objection.

Once the fox had exited, Judy turned to Bogo and smiled.

"I owe you one, Sir."

"Try not to get him too lost."

Nick, of course, had no equipment to inventory. But he knew the one place that could set him right: Rodentia Equipment Inc. or REI for short. The running joke about the place was that REI also stood for Removes Excess Income. Nick hadn't heard that one.

"Ok, just going to buy a few things," he told himself as he walked through the doors, "A backpack, a tent, and some snake repellent."

"Welcome to REI," a green-vested saleswolf greeted Nick. "You look like a fox that wants to go . . . rock climbing?"

"No."

"Kayaking?"

"Nope."

"Off-road biking?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Camping?"

"Bingo."

"A good weekend for it! And what equipment do you already own?" the wolf asked.

"Nothing but a sleeping bag. Me and the outdoors don't exactly get along."

"So you'll need . . . everything?" the wolf grinned, rubbing his paws together.

"I don't need anything fancy," Nick explained, "just the basics, ok? And I don't want to spend a lot of money."

"Oh, most -certainly-, Sir, right this way!" the wolf cackled.

Three hours later, Nick was pushing his over-laden cart to the cashier when he remembered something.

"Do you have any snake spray?" Nick asked the wolf.

The wolf shot Nick a shameful look.

"Sir, would we carry FOX spray?" he asked. "Snakes just want to be left alone."

"And when they don't?" Nick asked.

"You run the other direction," the wolf answered impatiently.

"Do you have snake repellent, instead?" Nick asked hopefully.

The wolf frowned and shook his head.

"How about a snake taser?" Nick asked, a lot less hopefully.

Again, the wolf shook his head and gave Nick the stink-eye on top of it.

"A pointed stick?" Nick asked sarcastically.

"You have a 36-inch, telescoping, twin-tined hotdog fork. Perhaps that'll provide you with some sense of security?" the wolf replied smarmily.

"Do they make wolf spray?"

"Now you're just being catty - register's over there."

Nick trudged forward, pushing his cart in front of him like the world's best-outfitted homeless animal.

"That's quite a haul you have there, officer," the mare behind the counter said as she started ringing up Nick's items.

Nick watched with interest, then with alarm, as the prices flashed by on the screen.

"I'm sorry, but was that fork $35?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yes, Sir! it's made from titanium! So much lighter than aluminum!" the mare replied brightly, then rang up a $50 cup. Nick raised a finger to object, but the mare chirped, "Titanium - so much lighter than aluminum. You'll appreciate the difference when it's on your back."

More items flashed by and the total continued to climb to figures Nick hadn't seen since his last over-due rent check.

"Twelve-hundred thirty-eight twenty-three," the equine finally surmised, "but you saved 50 cents on the spoon!"

Nick was sure he could hear the saleswolf laughing in the back of the store.

"And how much is the spoon normally?" he asked with morbid curiosity.

"Thirty dollars, fifty cents, Sir."

"Let me guess: titanium?" Nick asked as he flipped the mare his credit card.

"Yes, Sir. So much lighter -" the mare started.

"- than aluminum," Nick finished for her. 

He watched as his hoped-for retirement slipped back a couple of years.

**Nick's apartment, Friday, 4:00am**

In his dream, for completely dream-logical reasons, Nick was trying to talk to a dolphin about a missing-mammal case, only Judy kept interrupting.

"Hi, Nick!" she said cheerfully as Nick quizzed the cetacean on the particulars of the case.

He ignored her and attempted to continue his conversation with the dolphin.

"Hi, Nick!" Judy interrupted again.

Nick scowled.

"Hi, Nick!" she continued.

"Hi, Nick!"

"Hi, Nick!"

That's when he woke up and realized that Judy had changed the ringtone on his phone - again.

Nick grabbed the phone off the bed stand and fumbled with it sleepily, trying to swipe his finger in the right direction. Success was rewarded with Judy's cheerful face.

"Hi, Nick!" she asked energetically. "Are you ready to go?" 

He groaned and looked at the time.

"Carrots, it's four in the morning; only insane animals are awake at this hour."

"We gotta go, Sleepyhead!" Judy replied, her voice brimming with enthusiasm. "The trailhead is two hours out of town and it's a five-hour hike after that!" 

That got Nick's attention. He sat up quickly.

"Um, FIVE hours?" he asked, looking over at the immense pile of REI-branded stuff in the corner. "I thought it was just a little hike?"

"Oh, don't worry," Judy replied, "it's a pretty flat trail. C'mon, let's go, let's go! Time's wasting!"

"And how much coffee have we had this morning?" he asked suspiciously.

"Three Americanos, but they were doubles, so I'm all ready! Let's go!" Judy replied eagerly.

"No half-measures for you, eh, Fluff?" he asked. Even at 4:00am, Judy's go-get-'em drive was unstoppable.

"Nope!" the hyper rabbit replied.

Nick began to wonder if the parking duty slot was still open.

When he opened his front door, Judy bounded in with a single hop.

"Morning, Sleepyhead!" she said. "Y'ready to go?"

He looked at his partner in dismay. She was dressed minimally in a pair of short bunny shorts that hugged her behind with intimate familiarity and a half-shirt that left her grey tummy exposed.

"Uh, Judy, did you forget the rest of your clothes?" he asked uncertainly - and tried not to stare.

"Silly! No sense in wearing too much and getting overheated," she answered.

"Eee-yeah, no sense in getting overheated . . ." Nick muttered to himself, looking for anything to focus on that wasn't a scantily-clad Judy.

"Is that all your stuff?" Judy asked, looking at the pile of equipment. "It looks like it weighs a ton!"

"Oh, not to worry," he said, "it's mostly titanium. So much lighter than aluminum, you know."

"You went to REI last night, didn't you?" Judy asked, giggling.

Nick began to cram items into his backpack and quickly discovered he had more stuff than space.

"I just picked up a few items," he said, trying to sound casual while he shuffled things around in his backpack to make more room. For some reason, he ended up with only half the amount of space he'd started with.

"How much did they get you for?" Judy asked, watching Nick trying to smoosh his sleeping bag into the pack. "I'm betting at least $700. And you strap that in on the bottom

"On the bottom, yes," he grumbled, "and it's not nice asking animals how much they spent on something."

Nick looked at the pile of stuff still needing to go in his pack when he spotted the receipt. So did Judy. Her paw was on it a split second before Nick could grab it away.

"Twelve-hundred bucks! Wow, they really saw you coming, Slick!" Judy giggled.

He snatched the receipt back.

"Are you going to be like this all day?"

"Like how?" she asked, her nose twitching curiously.

"Bouncy," he replied, no longer caring what went where in the pack, as long as it got in.

Judy looked at him.

"But I'm a bunny, we're supposed to be bouncy."

Nick stopped packing for a moment and looked over at his partner, keeping his eyes above her neckline. "There's bunny-bouncy, then there's over-caffeinated-Judy-bouncy. Sort of like how there's cherry bombs and then there's atomic bombs."

Judy giggled and playfully flicked Nick's right ear.

"Boom!"

**TWO HOURS LATER**

Judy turned the key and her old gray farm truck rumbled and backfired to life, then idled uneasily. The stink of burning oil wafted into the cab.

Nick wrinkled his muzzle. "Carrots, when's the last time you drove this thing?"

"When did we bust Bellwether?" Judy asked, putting the truck in gear and puttering out onto the road.

He sighed and shook his head. "Trucks require maintenance, you know."

"I put gas in it this morning, does that count?" she asked in her best dumb-bunny voice.

Nick smirked at Judy, and then turned his attention to landscape scrolling slowly by. After a while, he noticed that other cars were flashing their lights behind the truck, and then speeding past.

"How fast are we going?" he asked curiously.

"50," Judy replied, "and it's all she'll do."

He looked over at the speedometer and sure enough, the needle pointed straight up at the 50 mph mark. Higher numbers suggested speeds the truck would never visit again short of being pushed off a cliff.

"And how far do we have to go?"

"About 150 miles."

"That's THREE hours," Nick noted, correcting Judy's earlier estimate. "I thought you bunnies were good at multiplication?"

"That's division," Judy smartly pointed out with a sarcastic grin.

The flummoxed fox slapped his forehead.

"Plus coffee-stops," Judy added.

"No coffee-stops," Nick grumbled, "you're hyper enough already." 

Judy reached down and picked up a green-labeled Snarlbuck's cup off the floor and took a big slurp while watching Nick's jaw drop.

"Give," he said simply, holding his paw out.

"Mine," Judy said, holding the cup protectively against her chest.

"Formerly yours," he said as he grabbed the cup from her paw with one hand and rolled down the window with his other.

"HEY!" she complained, then, in alarm, "Nick, wait - DON'T DO THAT!"

"Or what?" Nick asked before he tossed the cup out the window. He had enough time to blink and stammer, "Oh, no . . ." before his hubris caught up with him. Having thrown the cup into the slipstream of the truck, it now blew back through the window and smacked him in the nose.

"GAAAAH!" he yelped as lukewarm coffee splashed over his face and the upper half of his green button-up shirt.

"Nick!" Judy cried out, "are you ok?!"

The fox turned to her with a sardonic half-smirk on his wet muzzle and coffee dripping from his whiskers.

"Just peachy, Fluff."

Nick grumbled and took off his shirt, and then pulled a rag out of the glovebox. He dabbed his formerly snowy-white chest ruff, now stained mocha brown.

A moment of silence passed before Judy spoke.

"Can I say it?" she teased with a toothy, bunny grin.

"You most certainly may not," Nick groused.

"Please?" Judy prodded, unable to contain her conceited grin.

"No."

"But I never get to say it!" she grinned from ear-to-ear.

"Ok," Nick conceded, "this ONE time you can say it . . ." 

"I TOLD YOU SO!" Judy exclaimed joyously.

"Ha ha," he soured, "is that out of your system now?"

"Nope! I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO told you so!" Judy continued, giggling.

He shook his head. "How much longer until we get there?"

"Two hours, thirty minutes."

"What more could possibly happen in two and a half hours?" Nick asked himself and then settled against the uncomfortably hard backrest of the bench seat.

As he watched the world scrolling by outside, a brilliant idea occurred to him. After wringing out the excess coffee, he reached outside the window and hung his shirt over the side-view mirror. On a hot day like today, and with a 50 mile-per-hour wind blowing over it, his shirt would be dry in no time.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Judy noted.

"I'm not wearing a wet shirt all day and --"

Nick's fluttering shirt tore loose from the mirror and vanished behind the truck, predictably. 

Nick closed his eyes and slowly counted backwards from 10 in his mind.

"Can I say it again?" Judy gleefully asked once Nick had reached 5. At the count of 1, he turned to the spunky, half-dressed bunny and answered her question with an irritated glare.

"It's ok," Judy smiled warmly at Nick, "You look handsome without your shirt on, anyway."

She kissed her finger and pressed it to his nose.

Nick's glower melted into a bemused grin.

"Nice save, bunny."

**HALF-HOUR LATER**

With Zootopia well behind them and the forest ahead, Nick finally relaxed.

Judy, on the other paw, was singularly focused on driving.

"Whatcha have for breakfast, Fluff?" he asked.

"Granola and coffee," Judy replied quickly. She seemed VERY focused on driving.

"Oh, beats the nothingburger I had," he mentioned off-handedly, hoping Judy would recommend a stopping point for a snack.

"Uh-huh," Judy said, her voice slightly strained.

"Because, you know, I didn't have breakfast, unlike some mammals..."

"Let's, um, listen to the radio a little," Judy said with sudden urgency.

Reaching over, she turned the old radio on and cranked the volume knob up high. Static issued from the single speaker on Nick's side of the dashboard. Frantically, Judy stabbed the pre-set buttons until the cab filled with the melodious sounds of Prey Rap.

"I'm gonna catch a fox / and stuff it in a box / throw it off the bridge / and down onto the rocks!" Li'l Pika the Rapper rapped.

Nick scowled at the radio.

"This is nice, right?" Judy asked nervously over the deafening din.

"Um, wonderful" he replied, looking at the tense rabbit and flattening his ears to his head, "but could we turn it down a little? Or a lot?" 

A second later, he felt a distinct rumbling through the bench seat and then another. Judy continued to stare straight ahead, but looked slightly less tense - even if the insides of her ears were turning bright pink.

"Did you just -"

"IT'S THE RADIO!" Judy interrupted quickly, "It's a Philco: they make odd noises!" She turned to Nick, wearing a nervous bunny grimace.

"You realize there's no padding on this seat and . . . SWEET CHEESE AND CRACKERS! Open a window!" he yelped.

"The radio smells kinda funny when it's warming up!" Judy desperately tried.

Nick grabbed the window crank a little too hard and it came off in his hand.

"Oh, no!"

He tried to cram the crank back on, only to have it fall on the floor and bounce under the seat.

"YO YO YO! WHAAAAZZUP, ZOOOOOOOO-TOPIA?! K-RAP here delivering the hottest Hip-Hop, Rap and Beats in the cit-AY! That was Li'l Pika's latest hit, "Foxes Are Complete Bastards" and a shout-out goes to tiny scamperers in Little Rodentia who 100-percent agree!" the radio blared.

Nick's hackles went up.

"I have very sensitive hearing - and sense of smell!" he snarled.

"Well, a gentlefox would have pretended not to notice!" Judy plaintively complained.

"And a lady would have said 'excuse me' and rolled down the window, not tried to blame it on the radio!"

"Speaking of complete bastards, let's see what the fascists at the ZPD are up to today! Remember: say NO-NO to the PO-PO!" K-RAP gratingly continued.

Nick growled and slammed his fist against the radio, ostensibly to turn it off. Instead, a dying squelch of static belched from the Philco, followed by permanent silence. Without saying anything else, he crossed his arms over his coffee-soaked chest and glared out the window.

A few minutes ticked by in silence and Nick's hackles slowly lowered.

"I've been up since 4, I haven't had breakfast and I'm trapped in a slow-moving truck with a gassy rabbit," Nick grumbled.

Five minutes later, Judy looked over at him and grinned.

"Hey, Slick . . ."

"Yes, Fluff?"

Judy extended her right paw. "Pull my finger!"

Nick pretended not to notice at first, but eventually the corners of his mouth curled upwards. Still, he shook his head and asked, "Aren't we grown-ups?"

"Aww! It's funny when my dad does it!"

"You're not your dad," Nick explained patiently, "and it's not funny unless you're 12."

"'It's not funny unless you're 12,'" Judy playfully mocked, then added, "Nick the Stick."

"Nick the STICK?"

"As in 'stick up the tail'!"

"Oh, is that so, Ms. Judy-on-DUTY?" Nick shot back.

"Nick-the-Stick!"

"Judy-on-Duty!"

"Nick-the-Stick!"

"Judy-on-Duty!"

"Nick-the -"

"PULL OVER!" came the amplified command from the Highway Patrol motorcycle that'd slipped up behind the truck.

"Busted bunny," Nick said.

" - stick!" Judy finished, and then stuck her tongue out. "I'll handle this. Just watch how it's done!"

After guiding the sputtering truck over to the side of the road, Judy sat and awaited her fate. Nick just sat there and wondered what else could possibly go wrong.

A grey wolf in ZHP beige walked up to Judy's side of the truck and asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"50 miles per hour?" she ventured, giving the lupine officer a shy smile as he looked in.

"Closer to 30," the officer corrected. "There's a line of cars five miles long behind you. Are you aware of the traffic jam you've caused?"

"Oh, no, officer!" Judy said, giving her best innocent-bunny performance.

It was obvious from the look he gave her that he wasn't buying it.

"Step out of the car, please, Ma'am."

Judy opened the door and hopped out, standing in front of the officer in her short-shorts and half-top.

Nick glanced over and realized the wolf was looking at Judy with something less than professional detachment.

"License and registration?" the wolf asked, looking down at her with his tail wagging slowly.

"Oh, it's in the glove compartment, officer," Judy said, "I'll get it." She hopped up on all fours onto the seat and crawled toward Nick.

Nick's eyes opened wide in alarm as he looked at Judy crawling towards him and the wolf leering behind her.

"I'll get it!" Nick said and quickly opened the glove compartment. He fished Judy's registration out and handed it to her.

"Judy," Nick hiss-whispered to her in alarm, "keep your tail down and --"

"Oh, HERE it is, officer!" Judy said, crawling backward.

Nick gritted his teeth when the officer grinned lewdly in his direction.

Judy hopped back out of the truck and presented her license and registration. The wolf barely glanced at the pink registration, but when he looked at the license, his jaw dropped.

"THE Miss Judy Hopps?" he asked in awe.

"The very same!" Judy replied with her winning smile. She stood up on the balls of her feet for a second, then looked over at Nick with a huge 'told ya so!' grin.

"Miss Hopps, if I may say so, you're even cuter in person than you are on TV. You must be the cutest bunny I've ever seen!"

Nick casually looked over at Judy and watched her tighten her paws up and try not to seethe.

"Heh-heh" Judy performed her most forced laugh, "Cute - heh - well thank you, Officer."

"Everything seems in order here, Miss Hopps. You have a good day and keep your eye on that rearview mirror," the officer said, then strolled back over to his motorcycle.

Judy hopped back in the truck and lifted a finger to cut Nick off before he could say anything. That wasn't stopping Nick, however.

"Aren't you just the CUTEST little bunny?" he asked smarmily

"Hey, I didn't get a ticket!" Judy said triumphantly. "Just a warning to watch the rearview. I told you I'd handle it!"

"And speaking of rear-views: do you think you gave the officer a nice enough one?" Nick asked crossly.

"Well Nick Wilde," Judy replied in a chiding voice, "You know who else has green eyes?"

Nick closed his eyes and asked patiently, "Who?"

"Jealousy," Judy giggled.


	2. Snakes?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They've finally arrived, but there's still a bit of a hike ahead. Is Nick going to survive?

"Hopps, it's a hundred-fourteen degrees out here," Nick groused as he walked along the trail - the seemingly-endless trail - behind Judy. His feet ached, the Bug Burga he scarfed down for brunch sat uneasily in his stomach, and the heat slowly robbed him of his sanity.

Judy hop-skipped her way along the path. "Nonsense - if it was 114, you'd be dead! Besides, it's a dry heat!"

Nick groaned and tried to keep up with the bouncy rabbit.

"Say, think maybe you can slow down a little?" Nick asked plaintively.

"Five hours," Judy reminded him.

"I'm on the Bataan Death March with S'mores," Nick whined.

The two kept up their pace: Nick trudging and Judy hopping along ahead of him. Nick spent a good amount of time trying to look straight forward and not down at Judy, but as time wore on, he found himself looking down at the bunny more often than he meant to. The tick-tock of Judy's cottontail was hypnotic and helped pass the agonizing time.

"Are you looking at my butt?"

Nick looked up and locked eyes with her. She'd apparently turned her head when he was distracted.

"Of course not!" Nick said in his best Scout's-honor voice while his mind fumbled for a quick excuse. "I was merely admiring your backpack. It's certainly, uh, small?"

"I don't pack much," she said. "I figured I could sleep in your tent and I'm sure you brought enough food for both of us!"

Nick stopped in his tracks.

"Food?" he asked, dumbfounded.

Judy stopped and turned around.

"You didn't forget to bring food, did you?"

"I, uh . . ." Nick stammered, feeling like a complete idiot until he realized Judy was grinning at him.

"I rearranged your pack while you were in the shower," she said, "and replaced half the stuff you were carrying with food."

As a wave of relief passed over him, Nick exhaled sharply.

Who sold you on that titanium stuff?" Judy teased. "It's 10 times the price of aluminum and only like one percent lighter. You really should have taken me to REI with you."

"Dumb fox," Nick said.

"Clever bunny," Judy replied.

"My shoe's untied again," Judy said suddenly as she stopped in the middle of the trail and bent over to tie her left boot.

Nick was happy for the break and he panted softly for a moment before he asked, "Hey, Fluff, remember that question you made me promise that I wouldn't ask?"

"The one you're about to ask me if you can ask?" she replied, fiddling with her bootlaces and looking back at her increasingly-miserable partner.

"Please?" he begged, looking down the trail that seemed to be leading them to Perdition - down the trail, and not at the bent-over bunny in short-shorts with the enticing, fluffy tail.

"You were looking at my butt again, weren't you?" she asked accusingly, then said, "Go ahead and ask."

Nick crossed his arms and frowned slightly. "How much further?"

"About a mile," Judy replied.

"It was about a mile about a mile ago!" he replied flatly.

Judy smiled brightly, "That's why you shouldn't have asked; we must almost be there! Come on, Slow-Poke!" she answered and headed back down the trail.

Hours passed under the broiling sun. Nick panted and tried his hardest not to whimper. Then, something caught his eye.

"Is that a snake?" he asked in alarm.

"That's called a stick," Judy explained.

Nick looked to the left.

"What about that over there?"

"Stick."

"That?"

"Stick.

"There sure are a lot of sticks around."

"That's because we're in the woods, Silly!" Judy chided. "Anyway, snakes don't live in this area."

Nick sighed in relief.

"That sure is a big stick up ahead," he observed.

"That's a snake," Judy noted

"WHAT?! You just said there were no snakes around here!"

"I didn't know about that one! Besides, it's probably not poisonous."

"'Probably?'"

"I'm a cop, not a snake expert," Judy pointed out. "You were the one in the Junior Ranger Scouts, you go look at it."

Nick gave Judy a little shove in the back. "You're braver than I am, YOU go look at it."

Judy grabbed a long stick and shuffled cautiously up the trail towards the serpent. Then she stopped and poked at it a few times.

"The coast is clear: it's dead," she called back to Nick.

"That's exactly how I like my snakes," Nick muttered as he walked up to the deceased reptile.

"I think it was killed by that bigger snake over there." Judy pointed her stick at an enormous, coiled black snake a few feet from the edge of the trail.

Nick's eyes opened wide.

"That's a big snake," Nick noted with alarm.

Judy nodded in complete agreement. "That is a VERY big snake. What do snakes eat, anyway?"

"Bunnies."

Nick and Judy's eyes met at the exact same time.

"Run?" Judy asked.

"RUN!"

For the rest of the hike, Nick stuck very close to Judy -- and regarded every stick he saw with innate distrust.

**MANY HOURS LATER**

"I spy with my little eye, something that starts with T!" Judy called out.

Head hung down, bent under the unyielding weight of his pack, an exhausted Nick panted. His feet throbbed and his back muscles radiated soreness. "It is a merciful death? Please say it's a merciful death . . ."

"No, silly! Death is for the weak - the word I was looking for is 'there', as in 'we're there!'"

Nick looked up from his boots and realized he was standing in the middle of a grassy meadow abutting a lake.

"You made it, Slick!" Judy celebrated with a huge grin.

Nick looked around. The site was beautiful. The soft, green grass extended to the lakeside and surrounded by copses of pine trees. Judy was already shedding her boots and Nick fumbled with the catches and straps holding the backpack to his body. With a little help from his lapine partner, he finally felt the weight fall off his aching back and crash down to the ground.

"Set up our tent, Nick, and then we can go swimming!" Judy said as she pulled out the bound-up shelter and handed it to the fox. He looked at it like he'd been handed a scrambled Rubik's cube. Seeing Nick's look of dismay and confusion, she snatched it back and pulled off the wrapping.

Over the next 15 minutes, Judy rolled out the tent, snapped the poles together, fed them through the pole-sleeves and staked the corners. Nick watched the tent take shape and Judy get in a half-dozen different interesting positions to get it there. When she was done, she unzipped the door-flap. "Ta-Da!"

Nick clapped his paws and together, then he and Judy rolled out their sleeping bags inside. The chance to get off his feet for a few minutes restored the fox's good humor and energy.

"Now," a proud Judy said as she crawled out of the tent, "Swimming?"

Nick grimaced a little. "I don't have trunks," he said apologetically.

"Neither do I!"

Nick looked at her nonplussed. "How're we going to go swimming then?"

The little rabbit laughed, "We don't need swimsuits to go swimming!"

Nick blinked.

Judy smiled. "You turn around and close your eyes, and after I'm in the water, I'll do the same for you!"

"I don't know, Fluff, this seems awfully . . . risqué?" Nick said uncertainly.

Judy blew a raspberry at the fox and gave him the little "turn around" motion with her finger. "Eyes closed and no peeking!"

Nick did as Judy requested, turning his back on the bunny and closing his eyes.

After a minute, there was a big splash and he heard Judy call out, "Your turn!" from the lake.

Judy took to the water like a dolphin. Her joy was unconstrained and she swam in circles around Nick and he playfully tried to catch her.

"Too slow, Slick!" she giggled as Nick dog-paddled after her. Just as he got close, she'd jet off again, dodging his grasp. He laughed, too, lunging for her.

"I'm gonna get your fluffy little tail, Carrots!" he boasted.

Judy stuck her tongue out and then giggled.

Nick saw his chance! With a quick lunge, he grabbed her hips before she could react.

"Gotcha!" he said.

"Nope!" she replied and pushed off his shoulders, squirming free and then rocketing forward.

Nick's paws slid down her hips and legs and Judy squealed with laughter as he tried to grab her ankle.

"Too slow!" she cried out, then bolted out of the lake. Nick quickly followed her in hot pursuit when he realized he was looking at a soaking-wet and entirely-bare rabbit.

"Hopps!" he yelled to her, "Judy, you're naked!"

Judy spun around and looked at Nick with a huge smile on her face. Then she looked down. Her smile evaporated into a shocked frown.

Nick looked at her, unsure what had so quickly changed her attitude.

"Nicholas P. Wilde, what do you call THAT?!" she asked angrily, pointing slightly lower than his midriff.

Nick looked down, and stammered, "Uhhh..", then quickly covered his shame with both hands.

Judy's look of shock morphed into disgust and anger. She thumped her right foot rapidly and glared at the mortified fox.

"What, they don't have biology classes in Bunnyburrow?" Nick blushed in response to Judy's irritation.

"I -know- what that is! Why is it all -" Judy yelled back at him, before Nick cut her off.

"Oh, I don't know, Fluff," Nick snapped. "Maybe because I've been with a half-naked bunny all day. A half-naked bunny who has been showing herself off every chance she gets - oh, I'll get that officer! ; oopsie, my shoe's come untied again! - not to mention being smacked in the face with hot-and-bothered every 10 feet down that trail. Don't think that just because you're a bunny and I'm a fox that I'm not sensitive to that particular scent. It's pretty much universal and . . . are you crying?"  
To his surprise, tears rolled down from Judy's violet eyes.

"It was supposed to be like in the movies!" Judy sobbed, "The NICE movies, not those...other ones!"

Nick's jaw dropped. Judy sniffled and bolted into the tent. Standing alone, Nick tried to process what he'd just heard. Half in shock, he shook himself dry and numbly put on his boxers.

"Like in the movies?" he thought, uncertain what Judy meant by those words. He could hear her lightly sobbing from inside the tent. He didn't know what to do or say, so he stood there dumbfounded for a few minutes as the shock of Judy's words passed. Finally, he gathered up his courage and walked over to the tent.

"Can I come in?" he asked gently. A moment of silence ticked by and Nick carefully poked his head inside. In the middle of his sleeping bag there was a Judy-sized lump, along with a twitchy pink nose sticking out. He entered the rest of the way, sitting down next to his bag.

"I'll bet behind that little pink nose there's a pair of gorgeous violet eyes and a beautiful bunny," he said softly.

That nose vanished into the bag, but a little gray grabby-paw reached out and felt around. Nick knew what she wanted and offered up his tail.

"This?" he asked as Judy grabbed Nick's brush and reeled it into her hiding spot.

For the longest time, Nick sat there, knowing that with a little time, Judy would calm down. For now, however, there was only the quiet of nature and the occasional sniffle from inside the bag.

Finally, Judy spoke, "I ruined everything, Nick. I dragged you out to the middle of nowhere, teased you all day, then I yelled at you for something that was my fault. "

Nick reached out and rubbed the spot on the sleeping bag that covered Judy's head. He chuckled warmly, and said, "You don't do anything in half-measures, Carrots. How about you come out of there and talk to me?"

After a hesitant moment, Judy crawled out of the bag. To Nick's surprise, she was wearing a thigh-length purple satin chemise.

She saw the look of surprise on Nick's face and explained sadly, "I was going to wear this for you," looking entirely downcast. "I wanted this to be romantic. I kept picturing in my mind how it would be: you and I sitting close together next to the fire. You would nuzzle my ear, then hug me. I would kiss you and you would kiss me back. We'd get inside the tent and I would put this on for you. And then you'd be gentle and loving with me...for my first time. I guess that's not going to happen now."

Nick let that sink in for a minute, then smiled.

"Says who? I didn't walk 50 miles down a trail in hellish heat and almost get bitten by a snake just to disappoint the bunny I love."

Judy looked up at him suddenly.

"Y-you do?"

"Well, I could have lived without that Bug Burga and Li'l Pika's melodious composition, not to mention when you, uh...we'll leave that part out. But yes, you silly bunny, I very much love you."

Judy smiled and looked into Nick's green eyes

He looked back and all caution left him. Leaning forward, he gently kissed her. When he pulled his head back, she softly asked, "Do you think we can still be friends, even after?"

Nick smiled and nodded. "Friends forever."

Judy hugged him as tightly as she was able, beaming with happiness.

Nick swallowed a little and asked, "Uh, Fluff -- say, can you maybe loan me $1,200? I went a little over my credit limit at REI."

With a giggle, Judy looked up at him.

"What IS your credit limit?"

"It's 50 bucks. I had some problems earlier in life," Nick sheepishly explained.

"Then it's gonna cost you, Slick!" Judy coyly teased, then softly kissed his light-brown chest ruff and tasted a hint of coffee.

"I promise I'll pay in full -- and then some."

**ZPD Breakroom, Monday, 10:00am.**

While he stirred his coffee, Chief Bogo asked, "So how was your sojourn into nature, Wilde?"

"You know, Chief, I think I really do like camping!"

The buffalo lifted an eyebrow.

"Getting out into nature, camping under the stars, eating things out of cans; you just can't beat it!"

"And this has nothing to do with the fact Officer Hopps spent the entire morning briefing grinning like a fool or was seen skipping her way to the auto pool?" Bogo asked incredulously.

"I've heard rabbits go a little crazy in the spring," Nick answered, giving a dismissive shrug.

"So let's say a Highway Patrolman of the lupine persuasion asked me this morning for a ride-along with Officer Hopps . . ." Bogo said.

Nick's eyes opened wide, and then narrowed.

"They'd never find his body," Nick said coolly.

"That's what I thought. You're both on parking duty. That should keep your paws busy and your minds out of trouble. That is if you two can haul yourselves out of the back of the car long enough to actually write some tickets." Bogo said, showing Nick a rare smile.

Nick offered a smile of his own as the Chief gave him a pat on the back.

Once Nick exited the breakroom, Bogo pulled out his phone and texted Clawhauser.

"10 bux sez they don't make it out of the autopool" he keyed to the portly cheetah.

"They r heading to broom closet. 10 bux sez they never make it TO the autopool" came the reply.

Bogo shook his head. "Camping," he said to himself, then he thought about it for a minute. Judy hopping, Nick smiling -- maybe there was something to be said for this camping thing after all.

He looked down at his phone and punched in a number. A familiar female voice answered.

The gruff old buffalo smiled and said, "Hello, Darling, this is your loving husband. Say, do we still have that old tent and sleeping bag?"

**Author's Note:**

> This fic originally appeared on fanfiction.net. This version is a bit of a re-write based on the amazing critiques from /ztg/ and from the always-helpful Comicanon. If you want a masterclass in how to present a critique, please listen to his review of this story: https://soundcloud.com/comicanon/hey-ho-a-campin-we-will-go


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